Thursday, February 10, 2011

Scheduling "Date Nights" with my Husband

I was wondering given that this was only my second post whether to get right into this topic... then I thought a few things:  (1) a healthy marriage is so fundamental to the happiness of the rest of my life (and the whole family), (2) most of us find time with our spouse slips on the priority list and often takes a back seat to more practical everyday life things, and (3) my husband wanted to write an entire book entitled "Monday, Wednesday & Saturday" (or it could be "Tuesday, Thursday & Saturday - depending upon that season's TV line-up).  So I thought, why the heck not?

My husband and I have "date night" 3 times a week.  We look at it like a contract - neither one of us will break the commitment unless we absolutely have to (i.e. one of us is traveling for work, one of us is sick, etc.).  Now I am VERY much a planner - total A type personality.  My husband on the other hand, totally NOT a planner and can't stand if I try to make plans well ahead of time in pretty much any other aspect of our life.  We first established our little schedule because with very small childern I was often not only too tired, but also still in "mommy mode" and had a hard time making the switch in my head to "mistress mode".  My husband, however, never seemed to have to swich modes - he was always there!  So I made the suggestion - I think at first he may have been resistant (can't fully recollect since it's been a few years now and my foggy working mommy brain can't hold so many details) but then guess what?  Not only did it work, but he now thinks the idea is BRILLIANT.  So brilliant in fact, that he wanted to write a book about it (ya, right, as if that was going to happen).

Let me tell you why it works... firstly, it avoids disappointment on his end - I won't ever say no on a date night.  Secondly, on non-date nights he can't make me feel bad about taking some time for myself (like reading my book or watching bad TV).  Thirdly (and most importantly), it maintains the closeness and intimacy so crucial to our relationship.

Some of you may question the spontaneity of the whole situation and whether it takes the "romance" out of the relationship, but does real life really run on romance?  When you live such a busy life and have so many competing priorities, is it even possible to live as you did when you were dating?  In my opinion, not likely. 

So tell me ladies, how does it work for you?  Leave it up to romance, or plan it all out???


  1. What a great idea! I am not sure how we would swing this as two busy physicians who, at this point in our marriage, have already reached the point of discussing divorce seriously. I actually do not have a desire for a date night and I know that is terrible. I simply do not want a divorce because we have a young child. Perhaps had we done date nights earlier in our marriage we would not be in this situation. Again, great idea though and I agree, marital satisfaction is crucial especially after adding a child. Also, if a partner pursues time-consuming outside hobbies, as my husband does, it makes a happy marriage almost impossible. We are good friends living as co-parenting roommates so date nights are not high on the list of priorities and it cuts into my husband's hobby time-that is sad but true.

  2. I think every marriage goes through phases and there are times when you are more in sync, and others not so much. Having "date nights" (which by the way are almost always "at home date nights" - we don't often go out) can be different and take some getting used to. Perhaps since you are good friends, forcing some date nights at first might actually re-ignite the passion? I can say from experience that after having children, it can sometimes take some work to get in the mood! Good luck and thanks for sharing :-)

  3. i'm a little upset knowing when u guys have sex! fun blog! xo jane wagman

  4. LOL! Are you upset by when or how much? Thanks for checking out the blog. XO, J.