Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Older Mom - Have You Still Got "It"

Over the holidays, I read this terrific book that really resonated with me called My Formerly Hot Life by Stephanie Dolgoff.  Here's a picture of the cover (and I've included a link to her website & blog)

The premise for the book is that strange transition stage that women make from knowing they are totally hot and turning heads, to that less relevant, more mature woman (i.e. you've somehow lost your "hot" factor along the way).  At 42, I'm there.  Sure, there are days when I know I look good and feel totally great, but I don't feel like others look at me in quite the same way as they used to.  Add two kids to the mix and the "hot" factor definitely cools a few more notches.

For so many years I was part of that mix in society where you and your life felt totally relevant.  Now, I don't necessarily know what's cool and hip anymore.  I'm not cutting edge, nor am I trying to be.  You know what I mean... now when you shop, there are certain fashions that are just not appropriate?  Or maybe you don't know about all the latest music, gadgets or technology?  The question is, do you still care?  I certainly don't.  It's not that I don't feel beautiful (or that my husband doesn't find me beautiful), it's that I'm not the image that the cutting edge crowd is going to find beautiful anymore.  Not when there is a bevy of hot 20 and 30 year olds to ogle after.  And let's face it, 42 with 2 kids... maybe I can still wear a bikini, but I don't look the same as I did even 10 years ago.

I do feel there is so much less pressure to feel "hot" now and I like that.  I'm OK with all of the changes in my physical appearance and I probably feel more mentally at peace with myself than I did when I felt I had to be hot.  But it's weird to think that those days are over.  I can still look and feel good, but I will never again walk into that night club in a skimpy outfit and feel a whole bunch of eyes staring.  Well, maybe they would, but it would be for a different reason (and perhaps they would ask me to leave)!  

The book really made me think about my place in society.  I think it really put into words what I was feeling and experiencing but hadn't yet materialized into a real notion in my head.  When I read the book, I was like, that's TOTALLY me and really connected.  I'm still adjusting to this new sense of self, and I think that's what the strange part is.  I always viewed myself in a certain way and felt I had a certain place in society, and now that has changed and I'm not quite used to it.  Not sure when I will be, but I'll let you know!

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