The Things I Miss From "Before Becoming A Mom"

There is an endless supply of advice from all kinds of people when you are expecting - everyone has an opinion on what you should do and what to expect.  When pregnant with my first child, I heard things like sleep as much as you can before the baby comes (as if you can actually bank those hours... not), see lots of movies, read lots of books, got out to lots of restaurants, etc., etc. In other words, do all of the things you like to do as an individual because after the baby comes, you're just someone's mom and you come last.

Personally speaking, I paid attention to what people were saying but not whole-heartedly.  I had waited a long time to become a mom (I was 36) and so all of those things I would easily give up for a baby and the chance to be a mom.  They seemed inconsequential (and often still do).  With Mother's Day fast approaching, I started to think about how I've changed in the last 6 1/2 years and what I miss most about my previous "self".  I would obviously not change a thing about my present life as a mom, but you don't stop being you and so it's completely expected that looking back, there will be things you will miss.

Here are some of the things I came up with (in no particular order)...

• a day spent leisurely and aimlessly shopping with friends... and spending money on frivolous things just for me
• my completely flat stomach
• going to the toilet in privacy (that includes taking a shower)
• traveling without a million bags, extra changes of clothes, toys, etc.
• watching what I want to watch on TV
• seeing all of the latest movies in the theatre, instead of on video
• getting only myself ready in the morning
• taking a "time out" - you never just get to turn off as a mom
• my things were "my things"
• talking on the phone without interruptions
• saying bad words without fear of imitation by small humans
• eating a meal without getting up 10 times (especially to wipe a butt)
• having a clean car without crumbs and sticky stuff
• a third glass of wine which would actually make me tipsy (any more than 2 and I feel it the next day, even if it doesn't make me tipsy - that sucks!)
• being sick without having to get up and take care of anyone else
• exercising for more than 20 minutes, especially taking long walks
• just being alone

So here's a surprise as I write this post... after finishing the list, I realized that in fact, I actually don't care all that much about most of it.  Sure, it was fun to think about. Those things are nice and all, but they can't hold a candle to what I have now.  Here's a glimpse... yesterday was a glorious day and we took the kids out for a picnic lunch on the mountain.  As we walked toward the mountain, my 4yr old daughter held my hand and started skipping and singing "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay".  I don't know much of the lyrics but after the first two lines, she kept singing the words and actually knew the song.  It was the cutest thing ever.  I looked over at my husband and our eyes connected and I knew he was thinking the exact same thing - we were amazed and delighted.  It may seem like a small thing (my daughter singing a song we didn't know she knew) but it was so much more.  Her happiness and free spirit as she skipped and sang was so pure and so innocent.  It captured a moment of such joy and I loved being a part of it.  I loved being her mom.

It's moments like these that make me realize how much I have changed in the last 61/2 years.  I may miss glimpses of my old life but those things will come again one day.  In the meantime, I have gained more than I ever thought possible which has made me a much better version of myself.  I can't express how blessed I feel that I have the privilege of being their mother.  I may worry that I don't always do the job perfectly, but I will always try my best.  There's no better job in the world...