The "Others" Raising Our Children

With the majority of moms going back to work after having a baby today, we have to rely on so many others to help raise our children.  My husband and I debated early on nanny vs. day care.  My mother-in-law always worked and so my husband grew up with nannies in his house.  My mom stayed at home full time and we never had help in the house.  I actually never had any kind of help, even to clean, until I met my husband (at age 34). 

My husband advocated strongly for a nanny for our kids because it was what he knew, and I stayed strong on the day care option.  I had seen my brother go through several nannies and read too many nanny horror stories.  I felt that with day care, there would be licensed educators, other kids to play with, schedules and routines, etc.  I also felt they would learn a lot more.  Even if a teacher quit, the environment and other kids stayed the same so there would be lots of consistency too.  Although I knew that they would get sick a lot in the first year or two, I also knew that my nephew who stayed home with a nanny got sick all the time when he started kindergarten... because he didn't have his immune system built up from being around other kids.

At the end of the day, I won out on the day care option.  If you ask my husband now, he will say it was absolutely the right option for our kids and that he has zero regrets.  I do feel we got really lucky with the teachers they have had (and that my daughter still has) - we never had any issues.  The kids were happy and always liked their teachers.


Now that my kids are getting a little older, we do have help in the house.  I leave very early in the morning for work and can't make either pick up or drop off.   Our housekeeper picks up my son everyday from school (and often does the morning drop off when my husband is out of town).  My daughter's day care hours are longer and until she starts pre-K in the fall, I am at least able to dop her off and pick her up. 

So here is the meat of the matter for me. Our housekeeper is the loveliest, biggest hearted lady and I feel blessed to have her as part of our family.  But... she's afraid to stand up to my son.  At pick up time, the kids are often in the computer lab and he doesn't want to leave.  He makes a big fuss.  She's embarrassed and doesn't want to make a scene as she feels others are judging her (I told her the only thing they are thinking when they are looking is Thank God It's Her Kid And Not Mine!).  When he's home with her on a PD day, he manipulates her into watching TV all day.  I tell her you have to take him outside!  She says he refuses to go.  I say he's 6! She says I know, I know.  But it remains unchanged.  It doesn't matter how many times I say she is allowed to discipline him (appropriately) if he doesn't listen, she just can't stand her ground with him.

The problem is only starting to get bigger.  The more he can get away with, the more he tries to get away with.  He can sometimes be rude to her, or, he can simply ignore her.  If I'm around, I quickly interject, but when I'm not around, he senses her fear and takes full advantage.  I try to talk to her about it and encourage her to stand up to him, but I'm not sure it's helping.  It worries me that as he gets older, he will get even more difficult for her to handle if she doesn't start getting tougher with him.  Add to that my daughter who will also soon be part of her daily pick up.  She will watch what her brother does and emulate that behaviour.  I need our housekeeper to grow a back bone or else I'm scared that my kids will run rampant with her!  What happens when homework enters the equation?  Will she be able to make them sit down and do it?  I rely on her to not only take care of my kids, but to also discipline them when needed. 

I don't for a second question the care that they are receiving from her, but I do want my children to be well-mannered and well-behaved.  In order for that to happen, she has to not only give them boundaries and limits, but also enforce them!  As a total A-type personality, I'm very frustrated that I am reliant on her and that I cannot make her do it. 

I have obviously also sat down with my son to explain that he cannot behave this way.  Yesterday, I resorted to threats of removing his toys from his room should he continue to have tantrums when she picks him up. We'll see if that works. Otherwise, I'm at a loss on this one and would truly appreciate some additional insight!  Although this is not a do or die situation (the after-school window is not huge at the moment), I do want to resolve it.  As a very hands on mother, I must say it's very difficult that I can't fix this one on my own.  Help!

Dealing with Gastro In The House!

There's nothing worse than being at the office and seeing the daycare's number flash on your phone.  Your stomach drops and you're filled with dread. You know that 99% of the time that it's not going to be good news.  And I love how they start the call with pleasantries "How are you?".  How do you think  I am... you're calling me at work which means something is wrong!  So of course without answering the question I respond "What's wrong?'  To the dreaded response... "Your daughter has been crying since she woke up from her nap and just threw up everywhere, all over herself.  How fast can you get here?".  Crap, Friday at 3:25pm and I work far from home/daycare - you know traffic will probably be bad and it will be a super long mental drive until you can get there and offer some mommy comfort.  Luckily, the traffic gods were with me yesterday and I made it in 20 minutes - record breaking! Of course when I got there she was crying and looked absolutely pitiful.

We did get the notice the day before about gastro going around the daycare... but you just cross your fingers and pray your child will escpae this round.  Gastro is the worst - mainly because you know that it will most like filter through the rest of the house.  Not to mention the grossness and messiness of it all.  But I do have this down pat after having some practice...

Here's the trick in avoiding running to the toilet and usually not making it, or worse, vomit in the bed.  I take the largest stainless steel bowl in the house, line it with paper towel, and put it right next to them.  The paper towel avoids any potential "splashing" and makes clean up much easier (just slide it all into the trash).  So far, since instituting this process, we have luckily had no accidents to clean up.  And, there is almost always enough times between throw ups to clean and re-line the bowl.

So here's keeping my fingers crossed that the rest of us escape unscathed this weekend.  But on the bright side, if I catch it, it will jump start a new diet LOL.  Always gotta look on the bright side ;-)