The Power of Girlfriends

I think back over the years to all of the wonderful women in my life with whom I have shared fun and laughter, who have supported & encouraged me (and I them), who have been there through good times and bad, and I feel I have been bestowed a real blessing.  For many years I lived alone and away from family and those girlfriends became my family.  The importance of girl power in a woman's life plays such an integral role in her happiness and well-being.

There are days when you just need to vent and who better to listen than a close girlfriend?  I love my husband, but there are times I prefer sharing my feelings with another woman.  My husband always feels that if I voice a problem or concern to him, that he somehow needs to solve it for me.  In reality, I often just want to get something off my chest but don't really need a response (or maybe just a nod yes and a wink of understanding).  A girlfriend can also get into all of the nitty gritty details on a topic that would typically only annoy a man (is it a patience thing, or do we just care more about the details?).  Given many of these differences, there is a role a girlfriend plays that just cannot be replaced. 

As we get older, get married, have kids, etc., it can often become difficult to maintain all of our friendships.  What happens though, is that it weeds out those that have staying power and those that don't.  It also means that the friendships you do maintain will most likely grow stronger and have more endurance.  I have lived in several cities over the last 15 years, and I can proudly say that I have maintained friendships that mean a lot to me despite long distances and passing years.  Those women hold a special place in my heart and always will. 

Having entered a new phase in my life as a mother, I have also now made "mom" friends with the mothers of my children's friends.  These new friendships are invaluable - we support each with all of the trials and tribulations of raising children, navigating school (or day care) politics, deciding on enrichment activities, the right way to discipline... I can keep going but the list will be long and I think you get it.  Drawing strength and inspiration from one another, these friends really make you feel reassured in so many ways, as well as feeling like you're on the right track.  Unfortunately, parenthood does not come with a manual and so having these friendships allows you to bounce your hopes, fears and joys off one another - infinitely better than any manual.

So don't forget to nuture these important relationships, no matter how crazy busy life can get.  These women will be there to help calm you on a bad day, laugh with you on the good days, reassure you when you're down and just plain make your life better just by being there.  A big thanks to all those special women out there for making my life a better place.

P.S. I tested the Kettleworx workout this week - probably the best at-home workout series I've purchased to date!  They are each 20 minutes long, intense (I was sweating like a pig this morning to the Cardio one) but easy to follow (no tricky choreography to throw off those with 2 left feet).  I have to give it very high grades!  Also, still taking the TrueStar vitamins - I think I'm feeling more energized than I was, but it's been just over a week, so will keep you posted at the 3 week mark!

Why Is It So Hard For Women To Ask For Help?

I think one of the keys to avoiding working mom burnout is to ask for help when we need it.  I must admit though, that I am the absolute worst at doing so.  After speaking to some other working moms about this, I realized I'm not alone.  Why is it that women find it so hard to ask for help???

I think the main reason is that we feel if we need help, we have failed in some way - yes, Super Mom cannot do it all on her own.  Imagine!  But why isn't that OK?  Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to do it all and even worse, do it perfectly?  Is this self-imposed or is it society's expectations?  I'm not sure I have all the answers, but I do know that if we are aware of the pressure we place on our own shoulders, just maybe we can do something about it.

So I was trying to think of some of the underlying reasons we have this challenge (other than feeling like a failure just for asking) - here's what I came up with... we feel people will judge us in some way or won't understand, we're too proud,  delegating goes against our nature, only we know how to do it the "right" way, we want someone to offer without having to ask (i.e. this usually applies to our spouse), it makes us feel needy or lazy, or perhaps we're afraid of potential rejection.  When I sit back and review this list, it appears all of the reasons are pretty much self-imposed.  Wow, now that's a surprise (can you hear the sarcasm?).

Wouldn't it be great to come up with a bunch of tasks we can put on the "help list" and get those around us to give a lending hand?  I usually only do this when I'm feeling really overwhelmed and at the breaking point.  My husband will actually sit down with the calendar and say OK, let's see what I can do, but it's usually only when I'm totally frazzled.  I guess at other times he feels I'm just handling it (because, big shocker, I don't say anything until I'm totally frazzled).  So I guess the lesson here is that nobody is going to make the offer when they think you are managing just fine  - and of course we usually put on a facade to make others feel we are managing just fine... you know so they don't think we're failures and all. 

So I say, let's start asking for help (it will take practise).  It's OK.  We don't have to do it all.  Really.  I swear.  It doesn't make us any less wonderful as a mother, wife & professional - as a matter of fact, maybe it will even make us a better mother, wife & professional.  And now I really have to put my money where my mouth is and practise what I preach!  I'll let you know how that goes... and let me know how it works for you.